Agony Al: The Beginner's Guide to The Scouse Brow

I know we’re in the midst of a skinny brow revival - let me know if that is a tutorial you’d like to see - but having lived through uber plucked arches the first time, I like my eyebrows to look as full as possible.

People ask whether I’m going to be embarrassed of leaning so heavily into the laminated trend, as we are with 2016’s ombré brows, but Scouse women have been at the forefront of brow trends - and brow abuse - for years, so I’m going to walk in my Scouse sisters’ stilettos and lean into the bold brow. Scouse brows forever, baby.

Scouse Brows: a triptyque

Here’s how I do my uber bushy, brushed up brows:

I have thick, dark eyebrows but they naturally fall in a semi circle, which is not great when you’re trying to achieve a bushy brushed up look.

___STEADY_PAYWALL___

I’m trying to make my ginger hair more natural; which means I’ve bleached my brows to this shade. They’re still bleeding bracket shaped though.

I’ve tried every brow gel known to man: Soap is great, but I swore off it when I nearly blinded myself with suds after being caught in a downpour.

Brow freeze products work on the majority of my clients, but are no match for my girthy monsters (this is the first in a long series of weirdly sexual brow metaphors, sorry, I don’t know what’s in my brain currently).

Glue stick is great, but leaves the brows sans texture and shellacked to my head.

My ultimate brow favourite is Got2be Glued gel, the hair gel and NOT the dedicated brow product (sorry Schwarzkopf huns, you swung and you missed xx)

Next, I’ll coat a mascara wand in gel. About a cm squirt does both brows.

This is deffo more than a centimetre of gel. As wise philosopher, Miss Hannah Montana, once said “everybody makes mistakes” x

This BATTERED spoolie is a real visual illustration of my mental health.

I run the gel through my eyebrows, making sure to brush forwards and backwards so every hair is coated. Then, start encouraging the hairs in the direction I want. I am a woman of excess, so I like my hairs to be EXTREMELY erect (woi oi), but you could just have the front portion sticking up for a more naturally bushy look, or completely groomed if a chic, sleek brow is more your bag.

The gel dries clear, so I added a lot so it’d show up on the photographs and it looks FOUL. Maybe more foul than using an arld sock on ya delicate eye area, but who’s to say?

As you’re brushing, you’ll notice gel building up around your brow, clean this up with your trusty sock (a wipe, cotton round or whatever you used to prep ya skin will work).

You can also lightly dab over the eyebrows to remove any excess if, like me, you over applied for the sake of a makeup tutorial.

Even though I brush my brow hairs upwards and out, their girth means they drop before the gel has dried and set them into place. I hate a flaccid brow, but I doubly hate having to hold my hairs into place for the 60+ seconds it takes them to set.

When I’m using gel in head hair, I’ll set the style in with a hairdryer; on a particularly frustrating brow morning I had a go of this on my brow hair… I am NEVER going back.

The commitment to brows is strong. So is the wind power on my hairdryer.

While the gel is still wet and sticky, I blast my brows with a hairdryer on the coldest setting, brushing them into the shape I want. This might seem like a lot of effort, but it takes less than five seconds and locks ya brows into place for the entire day and means you don’t have to faff with holding them into place.

After a quick blast (lol), you’ll have about ten seconds of wiggle room, so make any last minute shape changes with ya mazzy wand NOW.

Voila! A laminated brow that won’t move no matter how sweaty you are.

This difference is BANANAS; instant face lift!

When my brows aren’t bleached to the lighter colour they are currently, I stop here. But to fill in any gaps where I’ve frazzled hairs away with peroxide, I like to draw tiny hairs.

I go in with a tiny eyeliner brush and an eyeshadow of a similar colour to my brow hairs. For more precision, you can dampen your brush with setting spray before dipping into the eyeshadow, which will give you cleaner, more fluid lines.

So you can see placement, I’m using an eyeshadow that is quite a lot warmer than my actual brow hairs, I’m not just a terrible makeup artist (despite what you have seen on BBC3)

I like my brows to look really hair and textured, so next I go in with a brow pen that’s slightly darker for dimension.

Again, going slightly darker and thicker with my lines so you can see where I place them. NOT a terrible MUA (but don’t fact check that with Val Garland or Dominic Skinner)

And you’re done! POWERFUL brows. They kinda look like the uncanny valley eyebrows of hyperealistic video games and that’s exaaaactly what I’m going for.

Go forth and incense men on the internet with your strong, bushy brows.

Got any other beauty questions? Wanna see a skinny brow tutorial? Do you know how to stop Tik Toks from landing on straight men’s feeds? Get in touch by emailing hello@polyesterzine.com with subject line AGONY AL, or DMing @lipglosslezza on Instagram.

XOXO, Agony Al

Words: Alex Ogden Clark