It's La'Shaunae's World, We're Just Living In It

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La’Shaunae Steward has over 150k followers on Instagram, goes viral every other month, and has an enviously effortless fashion sense. So why hasn’t she been booked more as a model?

La’Shaunae was introduced to the world in 2018, when she collaborated with Jeffrey Campbell on a size-inclusive capsule collection. Before that, she made her start on Tumblr. Since making the move over to Instagram, she’s gained a massive online following. 

From a cursory glance at her feed, it would be easy to think that La’Shaunae is living the sweet life. She posts frequently, luxuriating in sumptuous outfits, but her captions tell a different story. La’Shaunae lives her life online; representing in equal parts the good days with the tough ones. Throughout September 2019, La’Shaunae posted frequently on her social media about being made homeless, struggling to crowdfund for rent on her first apartment, and how deeply this affected her mental health. On top of this, she’s also had to deal with attacks on her personhood from others in the industry. Most recently from Xiaxue, a Singaporean blogger who violently accused La’Shaunae of promoting obesity and an unhealthy lifestyle merely by existing as a fat black woman online.

As well as offering a brutally honest 360-view of her personal life, La’Shaunae isn’t afraid to call out the fashion industry on its failings. She is razor sharp in her critiques of the not-so-subtle racism, fatphobia and misogyny that are rampant in every aspect of the industry, and always speaks up where she sees and experiences it.

La’Shaunae is someone we at Polyester have admired for literally years, and we were so excited to work with her on this feature. Below, she talks candidly about her mental health, being a fat black woman in fashion, and manifesting her 2020 goals.

CW: mental health, suicide, fatphobia, depression

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What made you want to pursue modelling?

Up until high school, I never even thought of being a model at all because I was always picked on and made fun of for how I looked. I was always told that, being the fat black girl, that no one would ever want me. That no one would ever see me as beautiful, or any of that stuff. I didn’t think of modelling until I actually started to realise that there were so many girls that looked like me, and we weren’t showcased on ASOS, or any of the plus-size sites. I saw myself in so many girls, and we all wanted the same thing: we wanted representation and to see ourselves in high fashion, in modelling. 

I never thought that anyone in the fashion industry would actually take me seriously because I was always picked on for being the fattest model and also being super unpolished and super vulnerable online. I was always told that I was never going to be good enough for modelling, so when the Jeffrey Campbell thing happened, I was shocked because it came out of nowhere. That was my first major thing that I did. I started taking modelling seriously after that. 

You’ve been really vocal on your social media about being homeless for a period; could you talk about that? 

It’s extremely expensive right now for me, since I am getting over being homeless and I don’t have a steady income. The last few months have been super stressful and hard. I’ve just felt really defeated lately because September 2019 was literally the hardest month I’ve ever had. I’ve been suicidal on and off since September; I’ve been depressed since September; I’ve been crying literally every night because I feel like I’m literally never going to be accepted in the industry that I’ve chosen. I’ve had people in my industry – other models, other creatives, people who could actually help change the industry –  just basically tell me to give up. Just straight up tell me to put modelling on hold or quit altogether, and just get a local job: live a basic boring life, even though they’re not taking that route. I fight literally every single day to still stay alive — because literally every second, I don’t want to. I have no one I can go to in real life. I don’t have local friends; I don’t date anyone; I don’t have family here. It’s just really tough to deal with that when you’re by yourself. 

When you were in that place, how did you find it reconciling your reality with the Instagram veneer of everything having to be perfect all the time?

Every single day I’m on Instagram, I feel like I’m oversharing. I’m constantly posting stuff on my stories that I delete seconds later, because I’m scared someone’s going to judge me. It’s constantly a struggle because I have nowhere in real life where I can just share my feelings. I’m not one to hide my feelings — and I don’t see a problem with oversharing — but I constantly delete it because I feel like no one cares. Models tend to pretend that they’re always perfect and everything’s fine, and I’m literally the opposite of that. A lot of the models, if they’re not ok, they’re not going to post it online; but 90% of them have support systems. I don’t have that, so most of my feelings go online. It’s just hard.

You’ve also been one of the main voices in critiquing brands for not wanting to work with fat models. What are the barriers in the fashion industry for fat women?

When it comes to even being an influencer on Instagram, there are brands who underpay black fat models or influencers. Literally any thin, light girl can get paid five times the amount you’re being paid — even though you both have the same engagement. No matter what you do as a black fat girl online, everyone is watching you, flocking to you, taking ideas from you, but no one is hiring you. It hurts me because I know what I’m worth. I consistently grew my following and my engagement, and would go viral, and I would still never get the same opportunities. No matter what I’ve accomplished, I feel like I’m still stuck because everyone just discredits me. I feel like a big part of it is me being not only short, but also unconventionally attractive, while being black and fat. I have all the strikes against me, and I know for a fact that if I was thin, or taller, or conventionally attractive, I would have a better career by now.

In the spirit of trying to improve that, what advice can you give to those looking to be a meaningful ally for fat women?

A lot of people do not stand up for us. There’s a lot of different social issues that people will defend, but when you’re a fat black girl online, nearly no one defends you. With the Xiaxue situation, I had maybe two friends defend me. When anything happens to me online, I’m always left defending myself. People will comment that they love and support me all day, but when things actually happen, that support and love go away because they don’t stand up for black fat women. When it comes to other plus size models, it’s super competitive for no reason. So many act as if they can be the only one in the industry. I’ve had so many girls just sit around and watch. The same people support smaller models all the time, but when it comes to someone who looks like me, it’s almost never. 

What have been some of your thoughts on the ‘body positivity’ movement and the people heading it up publicly?

The world picks and chooses who they deem worthy, because the smaller models are literally saying the same things that I said five years ago and they’re getting all the credit for it. Now, of course, they’re only listening to a fat black girl’s views on the world because it’s Lizzo. Because I’m not the acceptable fat black girl to everyone, literally no one’s listening to me still. You have to be acceptable for people to actually listen to you. You have to not show any signs of ever being depressed. You have to be the perfect fattie, dance around, smile all day, basically not have an opinion on anything, and appeal to everyone without ever sharing vulnerability. I really appreciate Lizzo for everything she’s done to show that black fat girls can be amazing at what they do, but I feel like no one’s listening beyond that. Because she’s acceptable, she’s the only one they care about. Just like in modelling. You’re still not advocating for the girls who look any bigger or darker than that. You’re not advocating for us, and therefore we’re still being left out and ignored and treated as if our voices aren’t important. It’s so insane.

What do you hope will change in the fashion industry?

I just want the girls and the plus size guy models who are considered unconventionally attractive to be included, not just used as a prop or for shock value. I want us to be in fucking Vogue. I want a fucking size 20 girl to be on the cover of Vogue.. I just want to shake the industry, literally grab it by the neck and choke it until it realises that there are so many of us that have been working so hard for this and just want that representation. I want us to be in high fashion, walking for really big, high end brands, walking for New York fashion week, Paris fashion week. I want us to be included in more than just editorial stuff. I want us to have our voices heard. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.

What advice can you offer fat girls looking to get into fashion?

My biggest advice is to do your research on people and the things you find inspiring. That’s the only advice I can give. Find your inspiration and work hard to showcase who you are. Be yourself! Be yourself, and don’t try to be someone you’re not just to fit in because that shit never works out.

What’s coming up for you this year and what are you hoping to manifest for 2020?

Every time I get this question, I almost never know how to answer it because my inbox is always empty. I never get offers, I never get bookings on the regular, I don’t get thousands of emails, so I never know what to tell people because high key I never have anything coming up. So this year, I would love to work with Calvin Klein, Nike and Pat McGrath. I would love to be on a runway this year. I would love to book a high-end campaign. I would love to see myself in more print magazines. I want more covers. I want to see more girls who look like me on covers. I just really want actual representation sooner rather than later.

What makes you hopeful?

The fact that I’m still here and haven’t killed myself. The fact that there are girls like me who are still fighting for the same dream of me, and they haven’t given up either. I know I joke about the fact that I’m still actually here, but since I was 14, I’ve wanted to just not be here anymore. Fourteen-year-old me who was insecure, depressed, suicidal, hated myself, never left the house – that girl would be so proud of 23-year-old me because I would have never fucking guessed that I would have done any of this. Seeing myself do the things that I’ve done; it gives me hope that there are people in the industry who care about the girls that look like me.  Actually being booked for things, and actually being included in things, gives me hope for the industry. It gives me hope that people actually care about us and want our voices heard.

Words: Jemima Skala | Photos: Taylor Jarvis | Background: Lauren Ridenour