Sick Sad Girlz on Looking After Yourself During the Holidays
Not feeling the holiday cheer? Finding yourself wanting to cancel more plans than you’re making? Welcome to the party… of girlz who don’t always want to go to the party. With the holiday season upon us, we’ve been having a lot of conversations about navigating social gatherings and the invitations and expectations that accompany these events. We realize that for a lot of us, this isn’t always the most wonderful time of the year, so we wanted to share a few tips for surviving the festive season, and say happy holidays the SSG way.
It’s an invitation not an obligation. Okay it’s really obvious, but as your resident agony aunts we feel we’re within our rights to remind you that when it comes to holiday social events, whether it’s your office do or a friend’s organized drinks situation, our stance remains: you really don’t have to go to the party. As two grown women who somehow are still very familiar with the effects of peer pressure, we realize it’s not always easy to excuse ourselves from attendance, but you’re allowed to prioritize yourself in these situations, and if it helps, you are welcome to any of these excuses (judgement free):
a) I’m ill
b) I have a work thing (if it’s a family thing)
c) I have a family thing (if it’s a work thing)
d) I’m just not feeling up to it, but I hope it’s the most fun and please catch me up on everything I missed after.
Be real with yourself and remember that pacing is important! If you’re feeling merry enough to commit to the holiday bit and RSVP “attending” to a couple of these seasonal happenings, there is no shame with prioritizing the parties at the top of your list. For some this might mean saving yourself for the party with the open bar and an invite that stipulates a time allotment of 10pm til question mark. For others, it’s probably somewhere on the opposite end of the spectrum (yes, we are “others”). Find the holiday activities or events that you will be able to enjoy. As two Sick Sad Girlz who take a little longer to recover after a big day/night out, we figure if there’s no way around the after-effects, we deserve to be participating in stuff that makes us feel good with people that we want to be spending time with.
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This might mean it’s the year to start your own holiday traditions. If you feel like getting festive but a big night out feels more ominous than celebratory, what are some other things that will put you in the holiday spirit? A themed movie night never goes amiss (if you need ideas, there aren’t enough dates on the advent calendar to run out of stunningly awful Hallmark movies), and you don’t need to set up an Etsy shop to indulge in an afternoon of topical crafting (for those of you who are still skeptical about an artisanal activity, we dare you to try it, it’s delightful, as well as being a cost effective option for cards and gifts). Chances are this will also be a welcome reprieve for your friends who are indulging in some of the more high energy activities, and it’s a great time to catch up on the drama that you might have missed at these other events.
Exit strategies are key. This goes for social and familial affairs alike. It’s not always avoidable showing up, and in some cases we’re obliged to be in close contact with these people for extended amounts of time (for us this is a wonderful but wild concept). When these gatherings are not on our turf or our terms, it can be difficult to navigate dynamics the way we usually would, but if you are able to set boundaries it can make things a lot more manageable when that social battery starts running low. We are no strangers to a dramatic exit (trust us, they’re getting almost as good as our dramatic entrances), but to minimize the fallout, we find it’s a lot easier anticipating that at some point we’ll probably need to excuse ourselves for some tactical fresh air, a fake important call, or a very real therapy Zoom. Scheduling these things in and letting people know ahead of time is one way to reduce the chances of conflict in this department.
Self-Check In. This season, give yourself the greatest gift ! Give yourself a fucking break. This time of year tends to have a lot of build up whether we’re talking Christmas engagements or New Year’s eve plans. With so much hype around the holidays, it’s easy to get swept up in the idea that everything is going to be great or conversely that it’s all going to be awful. Both thoughts can be enough for anxieties to spiral leading up to the event. Our advice is to feel out the situation as it comes, to manage expectations, and to check in with yourself when you can. (ie. How am I feeling in this moment? What is in my control, and what do I need to accept is out of my control? Is there something I can do in this moment to ground myself in the midst of the chaos? What will make me feel good?) The holidays can be a tough time for a myriad of reasons and things can really come to a head especially when it comes to family. We can’t change others, but we can figure out how we’re choosing to approach these situations (sometimes our approach is to just conveniently excuse ourselves for an extended lie down in the other room — it’s called protecting your energy, babe.)
Finally, our biggest tip for the holiday blues: get support if you need it! If there is a specific aspect of the festive season that has been known to get you down, whether it’s food, drinking, family drama, etc. know that you’re not alone. It can be extremely isolating having these feelings only to be put in a room with people who don’t understand, so reaching out to those who do is a great safeguard this time of year. We’ll be holding Sick Sad Girl meetings throughout the holiday season, and you can always write to us and connect with others through our website sicksadgirlz.com our Instagram @sicksadgirlz or even our Tik Tok @sicksadgirlz. Some other resources that are open over the holidays:
Shout
Shout 85258 is a free, confidential, anonymous text support service. You can text us from wherever you are in the UK. If you are struggling to cope and need to talk, their trained Shout Volunteers are there to talk with you, day or night
The Mix UK
The Mix is the UK’s leading support service for young people (ages 13-25). Talk to them via their online community, on social, through their free, confidential helpline or their counselling service.
Happy holidays, we love you
