Sick Sad Girlz: How To Date As Sick Sad Girl

In this modern age of dating, post-pandemic (or maybe still in a pandemic, I cannot tell anymore), especially as a sick, sad girl, online dating apps open up various options that would have been way harder for girls like us to access. I barely get out of bed when I am unwell, let alone hang around places I may meet an eligible single to date. But how do we approach our sick, sad girl status when it comes to chatting and dating online?

Annoyingly, this comes down primarily to personal preference and comfort level. It depends where you are in your sick, sad journey and honouring that feeling of how much you want to share! Personally, I know this is a thing that has felt in flux for me. Some days I want to tell everyone everything, and some days I am anti-the thought of anyone knowing anything personal about me. So see what feels right to you in the moment and how you feel about the actual person you are talking to.

We have spoken to girls who feel it's important to make some note of it on their profile, like mentioning they are a spoonie or saying, "I am chronically ill. Ask me about it!" This approach can take the pressure off from you having to mention it in the first 5 minutes but opens the door to chatting about it going forward. My own personal approach doesn't lean that up front, but more in conversation while getting to know someone. I mention I don't drink, have lots of hospital appointments, sleep a lot, am allergic to almost all fun foods, and help piece together what my life looks like daily for anyone looking to enter it.

___STEADY_PAYWALL___

I always found this to be my comfort level, I didn't need it to be front and centre on my profile, but I did need to get it out in the open quite quickly after feeling like the person I was talking to was going to be a more than three text encounter. I would know pretty quickly if this was something that was too overwhelming for the person I was chatting too. If it didn't line up with the vision they had for their life, that was on them, not me. I also got a lot of confusion about being a girl with photos and a public Instagram full of my more energetic days (alongside some of my sick days, they just seemed to notice those less) and couldn't quantify how I could go from being so sick to seemingly so well. I don't think we need to be educators in all facets of life, so sometimes, I took that as my signal to exit the chat.

On other days I leaned into explaining what my illness looked and felt like in my life. It was on me to set the parameters and the boundaries in these encounters and also respect when someone else decided I didn't fit theirs. I know this can feel more daunting for those among us who have more severe circumstances like mobility issues due to illness. Again it's the level at which you feel comfortable introducing those subjects. It doesn't have to happen on day one of talking to someone, but I feel like the ripping off the band-aid technique relieves some pressure in terms of my own anxieties about sharing. I felt like if I didn't get it out in the open, I was hiding something about myself, and that didn't feel good for me. Going in really willing to be me and share who I am is how I find the best connection in any corner of my life, so I feel like dating should be the same way.

Dating is supposed to be fun. Connecting with another person and sharing your life can be a really joyous experience. The right person will understand the facts of your life, and allowing someone else the opportunity to learn about your life and experience can make all the difference. You must let someone in to know you, which requires vulnerability and surrendering to the process. Take it day by day and be honest with yourself about how it is making you feel. It's essential to take care of your well-being, so don't let the desire to find love let you compromise your boundaries!

We love you,
Kenzie and Rosa x