Five Glamorous Films from the Era of Porno-Chic
From just one glimpse, it’s clear the era of the “porno chic” was way more tasteful than the gonzo from which men these days get their kicks. Although in the 70’s and 80’s x-rated classics enjoyed opulent premieres, nowadays they are celebrated by cult circles at most. It’s not the sex what creates so much fuzz, though, but the nostalgia for the history and the stars: for the glamour and grandeur that got lost and which, in this day and age, fans can only appreciate from afar.
If you’ve ever been curious about vintage pornography, yet wary because famous pictures like Deep Throat (1972) have horrific events to their names — this is the perfect list for you. I have unburied these cinematic gems full of glamour and iconic sex from dozens of movies that were disgusting at best, so buckle up and enjoy the ride and let us know on instagram which ones you watch!
Blonde Ambition (1981)
If Liberace and John Waters joined brains to write a “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes” trashy remake — THIS FILM WOULD BE IT. A camp classic of Hollywood flair, “Blonde Ambition” is the magnum opus of gay filmmaking-family-duo The Amero
Brothers. With its drag queen fashion shows, 1920’s wits and a fancy “original gowns” credit on the film — it’s good ol’ gay extravaganza guaranteed.
Candy & Sugar Kane work in Wyoming performing vaudeville acts. After being flown to New York under a scam contract, these small-town-girlies turned big apple-ladies start hunting for acting gigs. In one of the highlights of the film, they’re casted in a porno remake of “Gone with the Wind”. Needless to say the shooting ends up such a deranged disaster, it could’ve only been orchestrated by a SHOWMANSHIP MASTER.
As a hilarious spectacle of glamourama, “Blonde Ambition” will amuse you so much you’ll be tingling from the belly-laughs. You’ll relish in how the directors take away all the sexual pleasure from the men by rather indulging in kitsch decor and glamorous girls. Overloaded with colorful characters like a Bette Davis lookalike as a villain in pink plumage, or a feminine dizzy dame thinking “Pennsylvanians” and “Transvestites” mean the same — this is the porno for the lgbt wanting a berserk, showbiz behind-the-scenes.
___STEADY_PAYWALL___
Soft Places (1978)
Porno’s mormon-raised, somewhat-feminist dame Annette Haven stars in this surrealistic woman’s picture. In the hopes of liberating her from frigidity, Annette’s late husband leaves a peculiar will: to access his millions, she must engage in a variety of sex she deems “degrading” and “utterly sick”. When she succeeds at her first task — timid, first-time masturbation in the privacy of her 19th-century-like
boudoir — a portal unlocks. Is Annette hallucinating when a faceless man appears in the dark, seduces her into fellatio, and cums onto her cup? And what does it suggest when she drinks it kneeling down, with a big smile signaling glory and pride?
“Soft Places” is a cathartic picture around perversion and rebirth in the vein of Buñuel’s erotic flicks. The eerie noir soundtrack, the fetishistic and voyeuristic touches and the exquisite 1930’s clothes (including chinchilla coats under the hot, American sun) all craft a picture of icy delicacy that could shatter at any time. À la Garbo, Annette oozes glamour and drips in diamonds even when at a bar: as alluring when boozing as when touching two of the filthiest men alive.
With an end scene reeking of ecstasy and exorcism, this is the glamorous porno for the more suspenseful, softcore soul. Don’t be fooled, though, as there is also a violent ambience to it — so melodramatic and mesmerizing, though, it could’ve been a Fassbinder TV film!
Pink Champagne (1979)
This is HOLLYWOODLAND, set when the 70’s went 30’s (remember fashion brand BIBA?). Chorines, tap dancing, curly-haired “Shirley Dimples” as an up-and-coming star. A pink parade with balloons and champagne, Busby Berkeley style. A bordello with Mae West and Marlene Dietrich impersonators in high heels. All dialogues
being impressive, show-biz-wits (“No midgets, I need something with universal appeal!”).
Spiritually, “Pink Champagne” is the porno-chic for the chick who loves old Hollywood flicks. Legs, parades, ostrich feathers, scantily clad babes: the credits introduce you to the razzle-dazzle you’ll be unable to escape. Starring busty babe Lisa De Leeuw as a film studio’s star-turned-flop, it’s a delight to watch her eat scenes up. Right after joining a ménage à trois, she asks her makeup artist to doll her up. When publicity men ignore her requests, she yells “Make Me A Star!” till they listen to her.
“Pink Champagne” is the porno for you if you’re looking to get dazzled with glittering girls in kaleidoscopic dance shapes, but consider yourself warned— do not expect any feminism in the dynamics depicted in the film! The bosses won’t think twice before taking advantage of the ladies auditioning for the parts yet thankfully, performers look like they’re having extravagant fun, and when I say some scenes are very hot, believe me, it’s not a lie!
Rhinestone Cowgirls (1981)
Throw your old western magazines into the trash! Kiss your hard-boiled novels goodbye! — “Rhinestone Cowgirls” is to pulp pornos what “Mean Girls” is to chick flicks: an example of how exquisite and enticing this movie genre can be.
After getting arrested in the midst of coitus at the lavishest white boudoir, an ex convict hides in the town of “Cactus Corner”. While keeping it a secret he’s got a loot to unbury sometime, he finds a job at a saloon run by the most masochistic of madams. Her waitresses — in cowgirl hats, and very much romantic tarts — are subjects to her humiliation and domination all the time. And though in the movie everyone just walks on eggshells whenever she’s around, the picture possesses such magnificent twists it’s reminiscent of the Joan Crawford western “Johnny Guitar”.
In terms of storytelling and performances, “Rhinestone Cowgirls” outshines all the films in this list. If ladies with blowguns, money mysteries and gangster melodramatics sound like they’ll put you at the border of your seat — don’t think twice before playing it on your TV.
Hot Legs (1979)
FEMINISTS! FASHION! DIVAS! DRAMAS! — mix that with over-the-top, comedic office gags and you’ve got the soapy porno that is “Hot Legs”. Set at an ad agency that sells the ultimate in nylon stockings, this movie oozes late 70’s glamour at its glitziest, most colorful peak (think supermodels in metallic makeup, chic coiffures and satin negligees!)
The film’s writing is feminine at most: the sex is depicted from the perspective of the women workers only, and the settings for their erotic fantasies range from romantic, full-moon beaches à la Sylvia Plath’s “Lorelei” to cherry-red, disco dance floors full of sweat, roller skates and neon lights.
If you’re turned on by slow-mo kissing scenes of girlies in pink bras contrasted with the yells of ambitious men running publicity campaigns for Vogue and TV (while nervously collapsing due to coffee machine explosions or ruined Halston gowns) — “Hot Legs” is for you. With its eye-candy of pinks and greens and fairytale-like wet dreams, it’s a wonder Jacques Demy didn’t direct this flick!
Words: Nicole Stunwyck
